Awakening ...

I was in recovery for nine years when I entered this centre. I kept it in my heart with many fondness and gratitude.

I was again with my life turned upside down, without hope, alone, desperate and very scared. The 12 steps had already no meaning to me. I started to drink beer without alcohol, I attended the meetings but I only
listened.

I could not stay still, I was very angry with everybody, until I closed myself at home, permanently crying or sleeping.

I remember that in my 6th/7th year of recovery I wrongly thought that I could already control my life and my feelings. Slowly (in the last three years) I was distancing from everything and everybody, until there was no way out.

One day one of my friends told me that maybe it was best for me to do a recycling in a treatment and suggested me VillaRamadas for being a less strict centre and with the capacity of receiving every kind of person. I doubted, of course.

In that moment I thought in everything that stopped from going… I was in recovery and I was holding on and now I am going for treatment? And what about my kids? The truth is that it was not working, my children were scared and going to Villa was the best decision I have ever made…I needed to stop or I was going to use.

I remember, like it was yesterday, when I went there. I was shivering and crying, I was scared and I only thought: « where am I getting into?»... I thought this during the first three days, but I stood there.

I confess that, at the beginning, it was not easy to understand how all those people, who have stopped using so recently, were going to help me… I wrongly thought that they did not understand anything about recovery… It took me almost 2 months to realise that I was the one who needed to be humble and change.

The “miracle” happened when I let all those people help me just with their fondness, protection, wisdom and assertiveness. It was what I needed! The staff was very patient with me.

All my anger was towards them, I resent them (because they opposed me constantly) and even so they did not give up. They have made an excellent job based in responsibility, affection and fortitude.

I have for each one of them great admiration, gratitude and love (I could not even express that in words). I left four months later, full of hope, love and faith… I learned that sometimes we have to stop and let the others do things for us… That is the only way for us to continue…

A kiss for everyone who hold me in their arms!

Anonymous

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