If I could go back in time….
Many times we do not give the real value to things, but the worst is when we do not give it to people.
Today, ten years after my grandmother’s death, I miss her each time more. While she was alive, I never care for her very much and I was constantly arguing with her. I do not know why did I act like that, but I think that what because I was too young and rebel. Everything that she said to me was a reason to be upset with her. She was always tolerant and did everything to please me.
I will never forget the image of her, lying in the road in front of my parent’s house, after being runed over by a car. I was getting ready for my best friend’s birthday party. Only then I understood who much she was important to me. The mourning process was hard and having the courage to support the rest of the family, that was in shock, was harder.
Ten years later we still feel that all of us are processing her death. My grandmother was, for sure, a very special and unique person. I think about her many times and I think how unfair I was with her. It has not been easy to forgive myself, but I’m trying to do it. I have the support of VillaRamadas therapist.
I know that I was wrong and therefore I can not do that again. The truth is that I acted with my parents in the same way, but now I am much more sensitive and I can see further. I have to value them and give them lots of love, just like they do with me.
It was when I realised my behaviour that I decided to start the mourning process therapy. The truth is that I feel much more balanced and in contact with my feelings. I think about my grandmother with fondness everyday and I remember small gestures that she had with me, trying to control the bad things that I told her. How could I be so evil?
One of these days I dreamt with her. It was a good dream that I will never forget. When I woke up everything seemed real, I was with her. I was not able to control my tears of joy.
And is this joy that I want to keep in my heart.
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